Pavmonis (theo_the_honest) wrote,

"I don't want to go in the fire, I just want to stay in my home."

School starts back up tomorrow and I think I am ready for it.  Mentally, I think this semester is going to be exactly what I need.  By that I mean I will have no free time to think worthless thoughts, but lots of time to build myself into a person I can look at in the mirror.  This is something that I have been struggling with, as you might assume, and I just hope that I am able to force myself into doing what I need to do.  With all the reading that is going to be necessary, I know I will be busy.  I just hope it is a good busy, as opposed to a self-imposed daily mental wracking.  Constructive mental gutter-stomping is fine only when your brain gets diamond dentures afterward. 

This break was nice and as relaxing as my breaks seem to be anymore.  Some definitely positive things gained from this break in the mentality department which, as I pointed out above, is a good thing.  If I would have known I was going to have to be 23 before somethings started to make sense I would have holed up and waited. That would have saved a great deal of emotional turmoil on many fronts.  But, alas!  That is not what happened and now I am in a position to learn from my mistakes and make new, better informed decisions about what I want in life and from life in return.  

Looking into doctoral programs is scary as shit.  That is all I have to say on that at the moment.  

All in all, I need to figure out what I want.  Once I can do that, and explain it in a nice concise sentence, I think I will be able to put a great deal of my troubles behind me.  Lets hope, shall we?
Tags: how is it you know me better than i know
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