Pavmonis (theo_the_honest) wrote,

Long Time

As I sit in my room, listening to the bros and brochicas play volleyball, I realize that I am done.  "With what?" I hear you ask.  With the whole idea of finding what it is I think I want from life.  It is time for me to get real and start doing what I need to do to get by.  These senseless dreams that I am having, in which positive things are happening left and right, are for the birds.  I am not trying to come off as though I am being a pessimist.  While this shoe might fit me well in some situations, I have realized that my mind has been altered to the point where it can not be saved.  I have allowed too many external forces to impart their wishes on me, and I am indelibly changed.  No longer am I the person I want to be; I am now the person they have made me.  I can change, and I am aim to do so.  But for now I must deal with bigger things, like writing my fucking thesis and figuring out where and when I am going to move on to the next level of my education.  To think that I am at this point capable of starting something new and exciting is foolish, and there for something only a fool would do.  And my fooling around time is over. 

I can.  I will.  No matter the human cost.
Tags: brooding, dark, dumb
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